Monday, June 06, 2005

Love is a Battlefield

Oh Pat Benatar, how right you are. Recent events have made me indeed realize that love is a battlefield. It's a rough world out there in the dating scene of seems any eligible bachelor is inevitably taken or a member of the elite Dupont society (aka gay). Somehow though, I still manage to create a love life for myself.

A little background on me before we begin, I'm single and I have been for longer than I care to remember. Perhaps it's because I'm looking for love in all the wrong places and usually fall for the cocky bastard, but mostly it's because I'm an independent woman who goes for what she wants, and doesn't settle for anything less. He's just not that into me? I'm just not into him! (Well, anymore...) So basically instead of being a serial dater, I'm a serial crusher. I will fall hardcore for a guy for a week, a month, a few months...then get bored and move on to another. It keeps life interesting without the messy work of seriously dating. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an ice-cold bitch nor a commitment-phobe (I had a five year relationship before)...I actually enjoy being in a serious relationship. Cupid just hasn't struck me for good in a long time.

So on Friday night, I had a revelation. My life has become like the Sex & the City Episode "Twenty-something Girls vs. Thirty-Something Women." I went out with a coworker (whom I have had a crush on for months, unbeknownst to him) in Adams Morgan. A girlfriend came with me for support, we started at a house party (which was the most amazing condo I had ever seen in DC) and then migrated over to The Angry Inch. But, I digress.

So the boy and I are chatting and he points out the girl he had been hooking up with the past couple weeks. It was someone he had briefly mentioned to me before, whom he met on an opposing kickball team. Which, apparently, is the summer hotspot to meet many eligible singles and an excuse to get drunk on a Wednesday or Thursday night. I might have to check it out next year, though my athletic powers are minimal at best.

Anyway...this girl was busted. She had a nice body, but her face aged her. She wasn't ugly, but she wasn't up for America's Next Top Model either. Now, what is it about men where a good body can compensate for a not so attractive face, yet a pretty face can't always compensate for a few extra curves? I don't get it. Women are willing to overlook a man's beer belly or back hair (though eventually we will force him to wax) for nice eyes or a gorgeous smile. Men on the other hand, are ruthless and want the whole package. I understand that men are stimulated more by sight, but come on. It's really not fair that mediocre looking girls with anorexic looking bodies are getting more action than pretty girls with normal bodies. This is why girls look to Lindsay Lohan and think, wow, I should do that.

Back to the girl...aside from looks, she came off as trashy. Now, maybe I am being too harsh to a girl I barely know, but even my friend agreed - if we ever ended up like that, something drastic would have to be done and we shouldn't be allowed out in public. It is one thing to be 30-something and fabulous (a la Sex and the City), but this girl looked her age, yet acted my age. He was even making fun of her for being older than him (32 to his 28) and annoying. Yet...he had been "dating" her - they had hooked up. I was obviously much cuter than she was, yet she had reached the goal and I was still waiting on the sidelines. He likes and respects me, and thinks I'm fun, I know this much, but I'm stuck in the friend zone now I think (which I'm fine with). But, for future reference, what am I doing wrong? There is obviously something that I am missing out on, some magic secret I don't know. Something that the older, wiser, yet not as attractive woman before me had mastered. Even my oozing 20-something sexuality couldn't win me this battle. He ended up walking her home. Now, of course, I do work with this man, and that could be a glitch in the system in his mind, but isn't it also true that men will disregard all sense and reason when it comes to women - or the chance at hooking up? Probably.

I guess the asian sensation will just have to be comforted with the loss and sing along with Pat - "we are young, heartache to heartache, we stand, no promises no demands..." and move on. That and, the boy is supposed to get back with his ex girlfriend. Who, by the way is a year older than him. Thirty-something women: 1, Twenty-something girls: 0. I feel the only appropriate way to sum up is with the words of Aaron Karo, "Fuck me."


At 6:37 PM, Blogger Bowman said...

Ok, let's assume that you were making it clear to him that you're interested (if you weren't, there's where you went wrong).

Reasons you have entered the "friends" zone.

1) He's getting routine poontang. a- Therefore he might not paying attention to the signs you're giving him. Us guys are dense in understanding women; when we are with someone else, we're even worse
at it.

b- he doesn't need to put any effort into hooking up with the older gal. He knows what he's in for and doesn't have to worry about the various things that could go wrong trying to hook up with you.

2) You brought a friend along. Next time, do the one-on-one thing

and finally 3) maybe he just isn't interested in you. Probably isn't the case, but it is a possability.

At 6:53 PM, Blogger Asian Mistress said...

Thanks for the comments bowman. I appreciate the insight.

Here is my response:

1a - I think I have made it clear I am interested (or he's a moron)...we have been friendly for a few months now...have met up at bars a few times (never like WITH one another, just a hey I'm going here come by thing)... - but only recently has he been initiating more. Before it was all on me. I think it's fairly friendly and equal now.

1b - You're right about that. We do work together, so there is a fine line there. Although we do not have to directly work with one another, it is a small office. It just might not be worth the risk (even though I am quite a catch haha j/k).

2) - I brought a friend along since he has met her before (in fact, most times I have met him in DC, she has been with me as she lives there too) and also, I didn't want to show up to the party alone where I only knew him. That would be cause for me to possibly end up clingy...which would be bad from the start, and also look like I ONLY came out for him (aka desperate). Agreed?

3) - When it comes down to it, I just don't think he's into me like that. As sad as that is. That and, he's still in love with the ex gf. Too much drama there.

Besides, as a final note - don't you think that the fact he was blatantly telling me about his love life/sex life proves that he only thinks of me as a friend?

At 8:42 AM, Blogger Elvis said...

Sometimes, you just can't explain these things in rational, logical terms. Attraction is what it is. You've laid it out there, and talked to him (presumably on a "real date"). He's just not there with you, simple as that. I'd go get your cowboy down with a new "friend". He may come round, he may not. If he comes round, you may be round, you may not. The wheels on the love-bus go round and round.

At 2:41 PM, Blogger Jane said...

hehe, I loved this post!! And could completely relate! Luv, Jane

At 3:53 PM, Blogger Asian Mistress said...

Thanks Jane! I am sure that many of DC's finest singles can relate!

At 11:51 PM, Blogger Asian Mistress said...

I am curious to see what CPMC and DCB think...comments gentlemen?

At 5:01 PM, Blogger Dating Hell Diarist said...

Who can understand the mysteries of the male mind? That said, when a guy talks about other girls in front of me, it ALWAYS means I am stuck in the friend zone with him. If it makes you feel better, just because you are stuck in the friend zone doesn't mean he's not attracted to you. All it means is that in his eyes, you're not the right person at the right time for dating. (When you get to be ancient and wrinkled and 31 like me, you will understand these things my child.)


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