Sunday, June 12, 2005

Recycling for Love

No, I haven't found some hip new charity that's good for the environment. I realized lately I have been recycling men. It's gone even farther than the TYPE of man I'm recycling...it's gotten to where it's the actual, physical, same man.

For example: the Brown boy? Complete recycling. Looking for a quick fix, a little pick me up. Nothing like a good ego boost to keep your game going in the world of love. I've also started talking to a boy I had a fling with a couple years ago...who is up here for an internship (damn Washington DC and its booming intern population)...we've started talking too. Sigh, I'm a mess.

On that note, maybe instead of recycling my own past loves, I should spread the wealth. I have heard of recycling parties - where everyone brings an ex to share - and hopes that someone else will hit it off with the one you just had to let go.

I guess that has the potential to get pretty messy though.

All of this talk of types of mates has me thinking though...are we more attracted to people who are like us ("birds of a feather flock together") or more likely to go with the "opposites attract" motto? In either case, which is better in the long run? What has longer lasting potential for a healthy relationship?

Studies show that although we may initally be attracted to someone who is the opposite of us, when it comes down to core values - longer lasting relationships stem from couples sharing similar values, education, physical appearance and intellectual interest. I guess that means that the bad boy phase many girls go through will eventually fade...so you like to hope. I can only hope that also means that eventually I'll get over the phase of going after the boys who aren't interested in me, and ignoring the ones who are.

Earlier the butterflies posted some quick thoughts on what initially attracts us to a man. But, what do men find attractive? This study shows that men are attracted to a youthful appearance which includes physical beauty (full lips, clear, smooth skin, lustrous hair) and body type.

One day, maybe I will go for a man who is not the usual tall, dark, and handsome. In today's society of instant gratification, it's easy to be drawn to the people who are the most attractive, even if they do not hold the same values and interests as we do. Sex appeal is important, but not necessarily the be all, end all of a relationship.

Maybe I should stop trying to find the same type of man (and recycling through the same men period) and instead go for something different, something out of the ordinary. I may find that branching out from what I perceive my ideal mate to be, will help me to find out what it is I really want.

6 Comments:

At 8:54 AM, Blogger Natty G said...

Don't settle. Wait for the person who is the perfect fit not only in terms of personality, value, and interest, but attractiveness as well. Otherwise, you ultimately won't be satisfied.

 
At 9:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Question-
do you think similar personalities make it rather than opposite personalities?

 
At 10:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Loving someone is when you see the imperfect person perfectly :-)

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger Asian Mistress said...

I think similar personalities make it more than opposite...to a point. Obviously you would get bored if someone was just like you. But, you need to think along the same lines in order to be around each other - for example, someone who is outdoorsy wouldn't do well with someone who prefers to be inside. Along those same lines, someone who is very expressive would not do well with one who keeps things inside.

But, I do think that you need some opposites to make a relationship work - to keep it interesting. It just depends what the larger picture is and what the differnces are...a morning person vs. a night person may do well together; but someone who is close with their family and someone who is not, might not work so well.

 
At 3:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

AM- I totally disagree with you. Your analogies are awful and I totally disagree with them. If you are opposite than your partner you might actually learn and grow more as a person because you try what the other likes and for all you know you might really enjoy it. Maybe if you dated more you would find that out for yourself.

 
At 3:56 PM, Blogger Asian Mistress said...

Anon - as I said..."But, I do think that you need some opposites to make a relationship work - to keep it interesting."

I do agree with that, I was not discounting opposites attract. In fact right now I am talking to someone who is a diehard Republican, and I am a strong Democrat...so we argue frequently and it's great to see one another's point of view. I think it's great that we can debate our differences.

So it's OK that you disagree...but we really didn't have to. :)

 

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