Thursday, June 16, 2005

What constitutes High Maintenance??



OK, so perhaps I get a little confused about relationships sometimes.

Seeing as how high maintenance was a hot topic in our comments section a few weeks ago, I thought I'd throw this out here and see what I get back. Can anyone please tell me whether or not any of the following are considered high maintenance in a relationship? (And yes, I am pulling MOST of this straight out of a recent personal experience.)

Are you being high maintenance if you want your significant other to:

  1. Make plans with you, in advance, to do things other than sit around at each other's places... Or even sometimes just to do that.
  2. Take you out for dinner and drinks with out friends. If money's an issue, go dutch, or you'll pay... but the point is just to get out and feel like a couple.
  3. Invite you out when they go out with their friends. (Of course, not if its a guys/ladies night, everyone needs those too...)
  4. Compliment you.
    More than they compliment other girls (or, if you're a boy, boys).
  5. Tell you how they feel about you. Not all the time - relationships where you ALWAYS talk about feelings are no fun... But frequently enough so you never doubt how special/important you are to them.
  6. Make an effort to get to know your friends & family when they're around. They don't have to make new best friends with anyone, but just make enough of an effort so that your friends aren't left wondering why you're with them...
  7. And, for goodness' sake... If they can't make these efforts for you, they surely should not be making these efforts for other girls (or, if you're a boy, boys...)

Am I wrong? Because I thought that the above list was somewhat of a "given" when you're with someone that you actually care about... And if you're not getting those things, can you ever really trust that significant other??? Think about it... If they don't care enough to do those SIMPLE things, how do you know that they care enough to be faithful, or that they care enough to take the relationship seriously at all??

I always thought that the BELOW list was the high maintenance list. It's comprised of all the things that I strive to stay away from...

I always thought that High Maintenance was when you expected your significant other:

  1. To pay for everything.
  2. Not to even glance at another girl.
  3. Spend all their time with you, with out spending time with their friends.
  4. Lavish you with expensive gifts.
  5. To make you the center of their universe.

Basically, about the first list (the point of this blog)... I don't think the things on it are high maintenance... i really believe that they're just regular relationship maintenance that's necessary if you want to stay in the relationship... am I wrong? are those things too much to ask??

11 Comments:

At 4:15 PM, Blogger A Unique Alias said...

The list of five are definitely high maintenance, but don't forget "Emotionally High Maintenance:" constantly in need of validation, totally insecure, asking the same questions [about their physique or what they should do with their lives or what have you] incessantly. I find that to be worse than "monetary" high-maintenance.

 
At 4:53 PM, Blogger roosh said...

they are too much to ask, or expect. you're high maintenace. :(

 
At 4:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unfortunately it's not as simple as that. In general terms you are correct in what you've listed but when taken out of context like that, it's ambiguous. Every situation is going to be different. Bottom line to me is that a high maintenance person who needs constant attention in one form or another.

 
At 5:25 PM, Anonymous Underused said...

To some guys, any maintenance is high maintenance. I mean, you really shouldn't have to put effort into a relationship - we're not talking about marriage here. Personally, I adhere to the first list, but it's in my personality to do so. If that's just not his personality, and he feels compelled to do it because you require it, then it's going to feel like work to him - even if they are reasonable demands. Stop worrying about whether you're high maintenance and start questioning whether your s.o. is giving you what you want. There are plenty of people out there who will.

And as a friendly grammar police note: the "as" in the title is superfluous. constitute = amounts to.

 
At 5:27 PM, Blogger Natty G said...

Your first list seems pretty reasonable, assuming you are understanding if the BF is a little more distant during particularly rough, for relatively brief, times at work/school/etc.

 
At 5:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my... that list is NOT high maintenance. It may only seem so while it's listed out because the list is long. But those are ALL things that should come natural in a relationship.

If anyone is in a relationship where they are not getting things on that list, they need to get out of it NOW. Because it means that he (or she) doesn't care enough about you to show you that they care about you.

I think that the worst is when you have thosse things in the beginning and then they drop off once you're actually together.

 
At 5:45 PM, Anonymous Marc said...

don't listen to dcb. you only have to read his blog to see that anything he writes about relationships is completely retarded.

it's not high maintenence. and from your pictures, you're pretty hott. i guaranttee that there are plenty of guys out there who would treat you liek a princess. any guy who doesn't should be left behind.

 
At 5:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know you weren't writing this from personal experience, but I'm sure what you wrote stemmed from a friend (or two or more) of yours who have boyfriends who don't follow that list. TELL THEM TO DITCH THE GUYS. I was in a relationship for a year with someone who wouldn't make any effort - seriously, I always went to him, we only just hung out at his place and watched tv and had sex (which was good, but not as fulfilling as it could have been had it been a good relationship as well) - and I finally ditched him and found someone so sweet and so much better. We're engaged now and I couldnt' be happier.

Underused said it the best: Personally, I adhere to the first list, but it's in my personality to do so. If that's just not his personality, and he feels compelled to do it because you require it, then it's going to feel like work to him - even if they are reasonable demands. Stop worrying about whether you're high maintenance and start questioning whether your s.o. is giving you what you want.

You should repeat that,word for word, to whatever friend is in that situation.

 
At 5:58 PM, Anonymous marc said...

plz excuse my spelling errors above.

hot
guarantee
like

 
At 2:41 PM, Blogger Ann said...

I agree with a unique alias. Low self-esteem = high maintenance.

 
At 10:28 AM, Blogger Lil DC Diva said...

I disagree. High matience is setting valued standards for yourself. I see it as opposite of low self esteem - where values, standards, and morals are low as well.

 

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