Wednesday, July 27, 2005

The Gym. We Can't Break Up.

I hate gym memberships. It is literally signing your life away to join a cult. So far, this is the hardest thing I've had to deal with while in NYC. And its not even NYC's fault. It's my gym's.

Okay, so I didn't go to my gym barely at all while in DC. I paid more of a $60 fat tax just for not going (or at least thats how I like to put it.)

So moving to a new city and being all alone has forced me back into a work out regime that I haven't missed, but I know I need it. That means, going back to the gym. On the outside, the gym looks like a great way to meet people and get in shape, but once you enter, man, its worse than dealing with your freakin' cell phone company. At least they have a contract you can get out of!

After researching local NYC gyms, and finding out that my company works with a local gym around here on discount corporate memberships, I decided it was time to get an annullment from my old gym so that I may join my company's.

Ohhhh no. Stop right there. Breaking apart from my gym is harder than getting a divorce. It's worse than marriage. It's for a lifetime. My lifetime. (Duh, of course I didn't read the fine print in my contract - do you? Those damn sales reps sugar coat EVERYTHING.)

And even if I didn't want to actually GO to my gym, I'd have to pay $40 a month just to NOT attend! Arrgh!

So basically there is no getting out of this contract. Unless I want to pay in full what I agreed to pay them, which, to be honest, is a ridiculous amount in itself.

Way to screw me up the ass, gym. Maybe I'll go work all this stress off in the park since I'm clearly too pissed to face the terror of my gym itself!

A word of advice? Don't join a gym. Build your own in your basement. Let's see if those fucks would sign YOUR contracts.

11 Comments:

At 6:26 PM, Blogger Johnny said...

not to mention all the hot guys at the gym are gay.

 
At 6:59 PM, Anonymous Washington Cube said...

The gym is a funny sub-culture. I used to go to a gym (nameless) where men who were into serious weight lifting competition would work out. They would stand nose to nose in front of the mirror (not working out), but gazing at themselves, twisting to see their profiles, adjusting their clothing...it was all a tad much. Later, I worked with a personal trainer in a location where professional athletes would come, and you never saw any of that vanity or nonsense. They were there to work. As for getting locked into those infamous gym contracts: it's always been a dodge to get around them. After trial and error, I would never commit to a full package/lengthy contract again. Too many things in your life can change, and then, as you've seen, you're hit deep in the pockets.

 
At 10:10 PM, Blogger RHB said...

I suggest you read the following:
http://www.thephatphree.com/features.asp?StoryID=872&SectionID=11
and
http://www.thephatphree.com/features.asp?StoryID=481&SectionID=11

It will make you laugh so you will forget about your shitty gym.

 
At 12:42 AM, Blogger roosh said...

sounds like bally's. horror stories all over the web

 
At 8:33 AM, Blogger BDiamond said...

Don't gym's usually have some kind of clause that if you move a certain distance away you're able to get out of the contract?

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger Johnny said...

ballys. ugh. i once got a good deal by signing a 3 year all up front for 500 clams... but then proceeded to go like 4 more times. Much better than my two buds who spent three times that.

Now I found Golds and they said its all month to month. I've been with them for 15 months or so now.

I try to go as often as I can but sometimes it just dont work out.

And yes I've noticed some dudes scoping me out. Wierd!

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger Crazy Girl City said...

Ugh. I hate Ballys. I signed my life away to them when I was living in Florida and I am still paying on that shit.

Funny you mention this because I was thinking about gyms today. I decided to go running in the neighborhood instead.

 
At 12:02 PM, Blogger Lil DC Diva said...

Wow. You all are smart. It is in fact BALLY'S.

 
At 12:04 PM, Blogger Dan said...

Want a lawyer? Send me your contract and I'll take a look at it...

Now, begin the flames about lawyers...

 
At 12:31 PM, Blogger Miss Penny Lane said...

There is a great episode of Friends from Season 4 where Chandler tries to end his membership with the gym.

Ross: So why don't you quit?
Chandler: You don't think I've tried? You think I like have 50 dollars taken out of my bank account every month? No, they make you go all the way down there! Then they use all these phrases and peppiness to try to confuse you. And then they bring out Maria.
Ross: Who is Maria?
Chandler: Ah, Maria. You can't say no to her. She's like this lycra/spandex covered gym... treat.

Ross: One more time: Hey, don't you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?
Chandler: No, I want a flabby gut and saggy man-breasts.

 
At 2:31 PM, Anonymous WTF said...

"Now I found Golds and they said its all month to month. I've been with them for 15 months or so now."

WTF! I go to Golds and had to sign a contract!! When I moved from Arlington to Gaithersburg I had to go through absolute hell to get my contract switched from the Arlington gym that I went to to the Gaithersburg gym. Serioiusly -- I wasn't even trying to switch companys, just go to a different Gold's! I swear since they are independently owned franchises the owners can screw you just how they want to regardless of name-brand banner that they operate under.

 

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