Friday, August 19, 2005

The Bigger The City...

...the lonelier it can be.

I knew the adjustment would be hard, but NOT this hard. I'm a tough girl, I've handled a lot in my life and experienced things not every woman goes through at such a young age. I lost my father at eleven years old and grew up very, very fast. Moving to NYC would be a cakewalk compared to other life experiences I've faced. I thought I could take on NYC and own it. Who the hell was I kidding?

My poor, poor friends back in DC. I call/IM them every single waking hour and tell them how miserable I am. I'm all alone. No friends. Live alone. Eat alone. No cable tv at my place. No internet. Lots and lots of reading. (Nothing wrong with that though.)

Last night I went to dinner by myself. Sat in the restuarant and ordered my favorite Peruvian dish, Cerviche, with a glass of white wine. Observed my surroundings and saw that I was the only person in the restaurant dining alone. No big deal, right? Well, it still made me feel empty and very alone. I was jealous of the other couples, the friends, the families, gathered to share some QT time together. I literally had to jerk back tears because it made me miss my friends and family SO MUCH.

I found myself at work today talking about how much I loved DC and why I loved it so much more than NYC. Once again, I had to pause, because if I talked about it any more, the tears would come flowing down.

Thankfully, I haven't cried yet. I'm still holding it in, but I don't know how much longer.

I'm stressing that I didn't make the right decision to move to NYC. Why would I leave behind a great life, great friends, great job? I want to walk away in life and have no regrets, but I feel a wave of regrets surfacing as I think more about my decision.

It's been a month now and I'm sick of my life here. I'm sick of getting off work late at night, going to dinner alone, riding the disgusting subway, smelling manure and urine every street corner I turn, not knowing a familiar face, or just having a friend to vent to. Or someone to grab a beer with. I want to come home.

So I am.

Tomorrow. :-)

19 Comments:

At 8:06 PM, Blogger Elvis said...

You hang tough. It'll get better. As the Colonel is my witness, I promise it will. And soon, you'll have a whole new set of friends and you'll love NYC and you'll never want to leave. Come home, enjoy DC for the weekend, and then go back with Gusto...

 
At 10:22 PM, Blogger DCLastCall said...

Hang in there. Similar to what Elvis suggested, shortly your life in NYC will prosper and you'll not want to leave NYC. Just give it a bit of time.

So many people never bother to leave the same town for fear of what your encountering. That's why they will always be mindful of any change. Trust me, this goes beyond moving to a new city.

Anyway, you moved to NYC for a good reason. Make it the right decision, even for a short time.

Cut loose, make new buddies, but, never forget those stood to your side and supported the move.

 
At 11:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know how you feel. I moved to DC and am still single because it takes forever to make new friends and grow your circle. I thought I would leave here and now I love it. Hang in there - NYC has more young single people than any other place in the world. Your blog made me with I could help you though. I found, in DC, the best way to meet people is to go to the same place on a regular basis (gym, classes, dining, etc.). Good luck and hang in there. I have a fun, single friend there but she is 36 (may be too old for you to hang out with?)...

 
At 10:44 AM, Blogger Complacent Chase said...

Lil' DC Diva,
As someone who has moved a lot because of my career..I know EXACTLY what you are going through right now.
My latest move was here to DC, back at the end of April...and I am just now starting to meet people. Like you, I missed my life back in Atlanta and all my friends and the comfort of actually knowing the city,(I still miss it at timees). I think the older you get the harder it is to meet new people.
All I can do is echo what Elvis and DClastcall have said. Things will in fact get better and you will soon come to love your new city and feel more at ease.
I have a friend that just moved to DC as well. Her name is Anna, she is 28 and she works for the Cartoon Network as is an actress. She is super cool, laid back and fun. If you would like to meet her...email me.
Good luck, keep your chin up, and just know that you are a strong woman and you overcome the feelings of sadness and lonliness.

 
At 10:45 AM, Blogger Complacent Chase said...

I meant to say that my friend, Anna moved to New York City...not DC.

 
At 4:15 PM, Blogger Scot in DC said...

I have spent much of my life moving, and I can say from experience it will get better. For me, I always joined sports teams, took classes and volunteered. Those were the ways I met people.

 
At 7:29 AM, Blogger L said...

Life isn't always about making the right choices. Before you hang up your hat, ask yourself "could I change the situation?". Of course you could! You've just got to find out how.

Scottish lass gave some suggestions similar to what I would do. You've just got to find out what suits you.

 
At 9:05 AM, Blogger playfulinnc said...

As I got to know the DC Blogging community, I have felt a real sense of community. Maybe searching and connecting with a NYC blog or two...Doesn't CPMC's Milkman live there?

New shoes are always good company.

I also do well with To DO lists in a new city like find a new coffee shop that sells cd's, or the indie accessory story that sells a certain type of watches, etc, and then I meet ppl while I am checking things off my list. Maybe it's my A type personality, but it makes me feel that I've done something useful.

Oh, join a gym! You'll make friends and keep your endorphins kicking.

Hang in there, sweetie!

 
At 10:08 AM, Anonymous Lucas R. said...

Why don't you have internet or cable tv? As lame as it sounds, they really help to alleviate loneliness and boredom.

And on a side note, if you don't have internet at home then how are you blogging?

 
At 3:17 PM, Blogger Lil DC Diva said...

Wow thanks everyone for ALL THE SUPPORT!! :-) I'm glad I can come here and regain a sense of optimism through other bloggers. It really means so much, so THANK YOU!

Lucas r...no cable and internet sucks. But I do have an internet cafe right across the street, which is pricey, and also a reason as to why I've only written two or three blogs in the past month. :-)

 
At 7:30 PM, Blogger DCDietDiva said...

I have no advice to offer in terms of meeting new people in a new city. I haven't been brave enough to go anywhere that I don't know people since I went to college. I just wanted to say I admire what you did by moving to NYC and I'm sure it will work out once you get more settled. Enjoy your weekend in DC!

 
At 12:19 AM, Blogger Asian Mistress said...

Cheer up baby it will get better...it hasn't been that long! Baby steps! Join a gym to meet some hotties and get your workout on too haha. We miss you here but you have an awesome opportunity and I'm so jealous! It will all come together promise.

 
At 2:05 AM, Blogger Dan said...

Huh. I thought I saw a post just a few days after your move where you were glowing about the move to NY and about how great of a city it is...

 
At 9:18 AM, Blogger Lil DC Diva said...

Of course I was glowing! I was a total tourist doing all the tourist things. But once everything starts to set in and you realize you are out of your comfort zone and all alone, everything starts to look very different. Eating dinner by yourself every night gets old and you start to miss what you used to have back home.

 
At 10:34 AM, Blogger V said...

When I moved to a new place without knowing anyone, it took me six months to be comfortable. I know that sounds awful, but in the end it was worth it.
I made it through by reading and writing a lot and maybe taking a class or something would help, too. Just fill time and keep yourself as busy as possible--you can do it!

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger Crazy Girl City said...

It sucks now, but it WILL get better. I was in the military for almost a decade. I have moved NINE times in 10 years.......to include 3 different countries and 7 different states. I know how badly it sucks to get to a new place and have no friends, but that always takes a bit of time. Trust me though, it will happen. Anytime I moved away from one of the locations, I was so sad to be leaving my friends. Those new feelings always came over me again as I moved and had to start over.

I know its so easy to focus on why it sucks right now. Try focusing on how awesome it is to live there and I'm sure you'll be meeting people in no time!

 
At 1:49 PM, Blogger VP of Dior said...

I am a military brat, so I know what it's like to move somewhere new and feel alone (even though I had my family). Are any of your co-workers cool? Maybe you could ask one of them to show you a new place to grab a drink?

Like everyone else has said: get active in volunteering, join a gym, do an arts and crafts class, etc. But congratulations on getting out there and making a big move!

 
At 6:59 PM, Blogger bleu said...

I know how you feel -- I have moved from NYC to Texas and I am going out of my mind

 
At 8:10 PM, Anonymous Al said...

here's what you do when you are feeling lonely...

take a couple shots in your apt...work up a quick buzz...head to a bar...take a couple more shots...and trust me you'll meet some people real quick=) and the best part is--that you won't be responsible for what happens next--

you'll feel much better then..trust me.

 

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