Sunday, August 28, 2005

The first to let go

In relationships... well, more in relationships that have ended, it often turns into a race to be the first one to get over the relationship. You put on a happy face and act, date other people and force yourself not to think about your ex - all the while hoping that they're thinking of you.

Sometimes you get over them. Sometimes you never do. But you never really stop to think about how they're feeling. In your mind, they're trying just as hard as you are to get over the relationship. But in reality, sometimes those exes are hurting way more than you are. Sometimes they can never really get over you. And maybe that's something that people should think about more often.

You know the feeling of getting over someone... When you suddenly realize that you haven't really thought about them for a while... when you have feelings for someone else that don't make you fantasize about your ex finding out... when you can finally wish them well in life and love - and mean it. It's often a nostalgic feeling, because deep down you sometimes like holding on to holding on. You know you're better off with out feeling for them, but at the same bittersweet time, you don't want to let go because that will mean that it's really over (even when you know that it's good for you).

Back to my point though, it's basically a race (in your head) to get over each other. But what happens when you really are the first to let go? Do you ever think about it? Because sometimes you can find out a year later that your ex is still struggling and hurting. And maybe it's not the best to finish the race first because you're forced to see the other person hurt which, as much as you may have dreamed for it to happen in the period before you were really over them, really sucks.

Maybe you're thinking about an ex hurting right now... and you're thinking - wow that wouldn't suck, I hope s/he's still hurting over me! Well, that just means you're not really over them (ok, with the exception of exes who purposefully hurt you while you were together). Think about it, you once cared enough about the person to be with them - to share yourself with them... When you're over the hurt feelings from a break up you can once again own up to the fact that you don't really want to see your ex be hurt.

I do believe that boys and girls can be just friends. I have a lot of guy friends. But I am, right now, questioning whether exes can ever really be friends. Will one person out of each break up always hold on to feelings (sometimes hidden) for the other?


At 12:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sometimes it is fun to watch the ex hurt.

mean. but fun.

At 12:56 PM, Blogger RHB said...

You wanna get over him/get even?

Be successful and live a better life.

That's the best revenge and a true testament of moving on.

Or, if you're looking for more "instant gratification", I suppose you could hook up with his brother.

At 2:04 PM, Blogger I-66 said...

I've tried and failed to be friends with exes. There are so many thoughts that run through your head - especially when you're the one who ended the relationship... "why is she calling me?"..."is she trying to get me back?"... I always subconsciously think there's a hidden motive to everything. It's terrible but I've been right in the past to wonder.

and hey.. you want an Entourage recap or will you wait to catch the replay?

At 3:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am friends with a few of my exes. Although, I only talk to one on a semi-regular basis.
I still care for him...but I do not want to get back with him. I think we are way better friends than we were lovers.

At 11:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you are almost there - try to see them socially a little and befriend them. I have done this with about 3 guys - ironically, I end up seeing why I would never want to get with them again:) Instead of my typical romanticizing. BUT - you can only do this when you are no longer hot for them.

At 10:41 AM, Blogger cuff said...

I feel nothing but total domination over the life of the Ex is fulfilling. Until they squirm with jealous rage I will not declare victory.

I constantly call Exes to remind them that I'm still alive, a constant thorn in their sides. It helps to mention material objects, like luxury cars, and also drop names of hip places in the conversation. Also, if you can get the following phrase in, you'll be gold: "Sure it cost more, but it's only money."

Keep twisting.

Then I cry myself to sleep.

At 10:52 AM, Blogger Adam said...

Can't be friends with the Ex.
As far as your guys and girls as friends theory, well, we all saw Harry and Sally...

At 12:55 PM, Blogger Sara said...

I am over him (have been for almost a year). I'm ready to be friends with him. My point was that while I spent so much energy worrying about getting over him, I never stopped to really consider how he felt. And I really would like to be friends with him, as he was an important part of my life for over two years. But I don't think that he'll ever be ready to be friends. Everytime we try, he gets hurt again. I hate it.

At 1:37 PM, Blogger VP of Dior said...

time babydoll, time. and patience. if you really want him in your life give him all the time he needs.


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