Thursday, August 18, 2005

Imagine this scenario, if you will...

Let's just say that there is a girl named Sara and a couple named Jeff and Kacey.

Sara and Jeff have known each other for years. Sara's met Kacey a few times when hanging out with Jeff. Sara and Jeff have never hooked up or had feelings of a romantic nature for each other; they are very much like brother and sister.

Now let's say that about two months ago, Jeff and Sara were hanging out a lot, as Sara went through a drinking phase in which she wanted to go out all the time and Jeff lives very close to many bars. Kacey hung out a lot as well, as she and Jeff rarely do anything apart. And let's stress one more time about how platonic Sara and Jeff's relationship is.

Perhaps one night about a month and a half ago, Sara receives a phone call from a number that she doesn't know. She answers to hear a girl on the other end screaming at her. This girl calls Sara some really nasty names and, as though back in middle school, threatens to "kick her ass". Sara laughs and when she can finally get a word in edgewise, she asks whom it is that she is speaking to. The girl on the phone identifies herself as Kacey. Sara remains calm and asks Kacey what this is all about. Kacey continues to scream random and stupid things at Sara. So Sara hangs up on Kacey and calls Jeff to see if he knows the answer.

And this is where things get a little tricky. Here is how the conversation might have gone:

Sara: Jeff, hey. What's Kacey's deal?
Jeff: What do you mean?
Sara: Well, she just called and threatened me, poor thing. And she keeps calling my phone and won't give me an explanation.
Jeff: Oh no. OK Sara, please don't take this the wrong way. You know that we've always just been friends and I am in love with Kacey, right?
Sara: Yeah. I know.
Jeff: Well, I swear I have no clue where this came from, but yesterday when Kacey and I were... um... you know...
Sara: Having sex?
Jeff: Yeah. Well, I accidentally said your name. But please don't think anything of it! I really only think of you as a friend, ok? Don't get all weirded out.
Sara (a little bit weirded out): Um. What? Jeff, that is f***ing crazy.
Jeff: Yeah, I know. And Kacey's not taking it well at all. But I told her that there's nothing between you and me. She won't believe me.
Sara: Poor girl. I'd be really upset if someone did that to me too. Maybe I'll try to talk to her.

They hang up, but to this day their friendship remains slightly altered.

Kacey continues to call Sara's phone and finally Sara picks up. Kacey is still screaming at her. Sara tells her she knows the story and she's so sorry and that Kacey should please believe that nothing's ever happened between her and Jeff and that Jeff is completely in love with Kacey.

Kacey continues to yell and threaten Sara. Sara tells Kacey that she understands that she's upset but that she's going to hang up because this situation is really between Jeff and Kacey. Sara then hangs up.

Kacey calls Sara's phone all night. Sara would normally just turn her phone off, except she has a date the next night and he's supposed to call her. Sara finally gets fed up. She answers and before Kacey can yell, Sara tells Kacey that it's not her fault that Kacey's so dull in bed that Jeff has to think about other girls. Kacey hangs up on Sara and stops calling. Sara feels bad, but at least Kacey stopped calling.

And now let us say that Sara went on her way and stopped thinking about the whole thing. And let's say that last night, Kacey left a comment on Sara's blog. The comment was really bitchy, which Sara can handle, but it gave out all of Sara's personal identification information, which Sara will not put up with. (The comment included Sara's full name, address, etc.) Luckily Sara was checking her email at the time and was notified of the comment and deleted it immediately.

Now let's fast forward to today, to me, and to my blog. If you leave another comment like that, or harass me in any other way, you'd better believe that your whole life story with details will be my next post. And believe me, I know your embarrassing details. I also know things about you that Jeff does not. You know what they are. And I will be MORE than happy to tell him. In fact, I'll write the post and specially deliver it into his email inbox. Both of his email inboxes, actually, to be sure that he sees it. So don't you forget it.

42 Comments:

At 10:13 AM, Blogger Manolos R My Life said...

What a bee-ach. Please tell Kasey to get over herself.Maybe the problem is her and not you. Obviously she isn't doing something right in the bedroom if her man is thinking of what he is going to do tomrrow after work with his good friend Sara.

 
At 10:14 AM, Blogger A Unique Alias said...

DAMN, Girl! Sorry to hear about the crappy situation, but glad to see that you've so decisively taken care of it. Nice work.

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said...

Sara, you're a badass. The end.

 
At 10:22 AM, Blogger I-66 said...

Kathryn said it all. Bravo.

 
At 10:23 AM, Blogger Genevieve said...

I love the smell of an fiesty, don't-mess-with-me girl in the morning. It's bettert than coffee.

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger Adam said...

Wow, thats freaking awesome.

 
At 10:29 AM, Blogger mixin' vixen said...

grrr, girl.
grrr.

 
At 10:30 AM, Anonymous rcr said...

best. post. ever.

 
At 10:33 AM, Anonymous m said...

This girl, Kacey sounds like a psycho. That is not normal behavior for her to be harassing you about it when Jeff is the one she should be bitching out. Of course, it is normal to be angry and hurt by what Jeff said but Kacey is taking it to the extreme. The fact that Jeff mentioned your name when the 2 of them were having sex is a little strange but it could have been completely innocent. You did the right thing by remaining calm and by assuring her that you and Jeff are just friends but it seems that she's not satisfied with that. I think it's immature that she posted all your personal information and if she is gonna act that way, then you should post her info. I think this guy Jeff should take a good look at his relationship with kacey and see if it's really worth it. Sounds to me like this girl has major rage issues. Don't let her get to you. :)

 
At 10:40 AM, Blogger Tasha said...

I can't believe that girl! Well I think you handled the situation well...i mean you can't help it if she sucks!

Let me know if you need anything...alpha love

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Castor OiL said...

I yell my own name all the time during sex. Luckily no one else is around to get pissed about it.

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger The Senator said...

This could be the most amazing comment I have read in a long time.

Awesome.

Sometimes when the dumb bully tries to pick a fight, you just have to knock them out. Seems you did.

God, Blogs have a interesting way of keeping people honest, huh.

 
At 11:26 AM, Blogger playfulinnc said...

Holy crap, that is great. You must be some hell of a woman to have a guy you have never even been with to call out your name.

We're with ya!

 
At 11:38 AM, Blogger Elvis said...

Sara, would this "sara" be you? Just a hunch. Damn girl... you is my white female Jesus. You should be on the side of $100 bill. You is off the heezy. Too funny. Thanks for the pick me up.

 
At 11:43 AM, Blogger Crazy Girl City said...

Does Jeff know about her posting your personal info online?

You are the best Sara.

 
At 11:53 AM, Blogger V said...

Holy crap, that girl is crazy. I am glad you said that to her on the phone, she deserved it.

 
At 12:06 PM, Blogger cuff said...

As far as Jeff goes...paging Dr. Freud. Patient to see you in your office, Dr. Freud.

 
At 12:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sara- He so did not scream your name by accident. I mean, who does that? I think he was doing it to either make her jealous or sabotage the relationship. Come on-people only do that in movies. Unless he was rip-roaringly drunk.

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger DCDietDiva said...

You go girl!!!!!!! She's insane! She'll keep her shrink busy for a long time to come.....

No offense, but does anyone else think it's a little weird that Jeff would put up with this? I know he feels bad about saying your name, but she took it way overboard!

 
At 12:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are so gangst. That's why I yell your name out when I'm with my girl too. Hehe jk but I luv ya.

 
At 12:58 PM, Blogger Windy - Rainbow Brite said...

great post! I think Kathryn said it best :)

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger VP of Dior said...

damn. that girl should go crawl back to whatever immature hole she crawled out from underneath.

isn't there a way to block her #? you should do that and if the crazy bitch is still starting stuff, then spill the beans on her sordid info.

 
At 1:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you gotta be a f'ing idiot to call the wrong girls name during sex

i agree, probably a calculated "move" on his part

 
At 1:49 PM, Blogger cuff said...

Like none of you have ever called out "right hand, oh, right hand" a few times when you actually meant your left hand...

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said...

How did I just read this!!! Poor little insecure girl... Who does that??? Sara, you rock!!

 
At 2:31 PM, Blogger DCLastCall said...

Guy's shout out all kinds of things during sex. When a girl has you by the balls, its hard to think articulately.

As for Kasey, I totally can appreciate how upset she would be. But, she should punish Jeff not you.

As for Jeff, he probably wants you at some level. But, then again, just an assumption.

 
At 2:36 PM, Blogger The Captain said...

I accidentally called a girlfriend an ex.'s name. Ex = 2 years, new girl = 1 week. Familiarity causes mistakes. I was forgiven after a little while.

But I don't know why everyone is trying to help Sara here. Didn't she write "Let's just say that there is a girl named Sara and a couple named Jeff and Kacey." This is "obviously" a fictional situation, including the evil comment.

Humanity hasn't sunk as low as this story just yet.

 
At 3:48 PM, Blogger Complacent Chase said...

Wow...
I think you handled it quite well, my friend.
Obviously Jeff has feelings for you but hopefully the two of you can remain friends and move beyond his snafu.
As for Kasey...she is obviously insecure and jealous of you. And although I empathize with her she should not be taking this sh*t out on you. Grow up Kasey.
You rock, Sara.

 
At 3:53 PM, Blogger Miss Penny Lane said...

Hells yeah! That is awesome, Girl! I hope she pushes it to the next level. tee hee!

 
At 4:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kacey is insecure, threatened and lacking self-confidence. Good for you Sara - the girl needs to look in the mirror.
She should yell at the guy or look at their relationship - NEVER the other girl (even if you were with Jeff).

 
At 4:22 PM, Blogger Lil DC Diva said...

YOU GO GIRL!! THATS MY SARA!! :-) LOVE U AND MISS YOU so much !!!

 
At 5:43 PM, Blogger DCSportsChick said...

OMG, you're so awesome. I love this:

"She answers and before Kacey can yell, Sara tells Kacey that it's not her fault that Kacey's so dull in bed that Jeff has to think about other girls."

Thumbs UP!

 
At 5:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So the name Sarah just entered his mind randomly? Ah...yah...

 
At 6:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonderful blog !


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At 6:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey not too bad ! Nice blog. I bookmarked it. I have a site Agent Orange mostly about VietNam, embarresed in public with scars from Agent Orange and such. Check it out if you get a chance.

 
At 7:00 PM, Blogger Leah said...

A friend of mine called another girl's name during sex and that was the end of that relationship (although, that relationship was pretty much over even before he did that.) It's not a very good sign, anyways, and I'd say that her upset has less to do with you and more to do with being upset about her bad relationship. You are an easy scapegoat.

 
At 8:23 PM, Blogger Kingsmith34 said...

Very vicious! So you know I loved it! Kasey stinks. I'd really like to spit out some nasty venom about her, but I think you have it under control. Plus nobody wants to hear my potty mouth. Nice job Sara!

 
At 8:39 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

I read this in the morning, but didn't have time to post any comments. Here's the funny part. I met friends for cocktails tonight, and I was blah, blahing about the day's events, and I started telling this story...with names...in a crowded bar. HA. Kacey? You are all over town, girl. He may not have been calling your name out during sex, but YOUR name is sure making the rounds today.

By the way, the bar consensus was "so what"...it happens...get over it. We held a debate, Kacey. Sara won.

 
At 8:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah, rumor has it that you've been calling out "DcBach" lately.

 
At 8:57 AM, Blogger Co'Joe said...

Wow, that is funny. Good write up.

Maybe the next time I'm having sex, I'll yell out "Sara" just to see what the reaction is. Then I'll yell out "Peanut Butter", followed by "Superman"

 
At 9:07 AM, Blogger Pretty in Pink said...

It's all been said doll! I heard on the radio that WWE Smackdown is in town this weekend...are you participating? ;) LOVE IT.

Smooches

 

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