Friday, September 23, 2005

He's just that into you.

I left out the 'not' in that popular sentence on purpose. I haven't read the book. I don't want to. I'm a positive person and (when I feel like it) I try to put a positive spin on things. But I've recently been shown that girls do not have to put up with jerks. I know that there are amazing guys out there and they must be worth the wait.

And, though some of my closest friends swear by it - and I have no doubt that there is a lot of truth in it - I'm not a big fan of "He's Just Not That Into You". The only reason being that it points out the reasons why your man is not into you. - it's negative. I think it'd be better to focus on how you can tell when he is. Here are a few examples:

  • He has faith in you - He believes you're smart and capable and tells you so.
  • He may tease you lightly, in a flirtatious manner, but will never make you feel dumb, or ugly, or bad about yourself.
  • He makes room for you in his life - regardless of how busy he may be.
  • He talks to his friends about you.
  • He does sweet things to let you know he's thinking about you. And no, for the haters, I'm not talking about buying you presents; I'm talking about the little things - like leaving IMs early in the morning to tell you that you're beautiful.
  • He isn't afraid to show affection - not to the extent of a PDA, but hand holding and/or when he (often unconsciously) uses body language to establish that you care about each other.
  • Most importantly, he's man enough to tell you how he feels about you. I know some guys are shy, but if he really sees what you're worth - he'll tell you! (And if for some reason he doesn't voice his feelings, it won't matter because his actions will show you loud and clear.)
And please don't be reading this list and thinking to yourself that your guy is the kind of guy to do those things, he just hasn't done them yet. When someone is really into you, they'll be sweethearts all the time, it's not something they'll just grow into sometime in the future. I really think that girls' biggest mistakes are to fall for guys based on who they have the potential to be - not who they actually are. I've done it PLENTY of times. And when you do this, it's a huge mistake. You end up make sacrifices for someone who doesn't even really exist.

Ok. Stepping off my soapbox now. (But, let's be honest, we all know I just love to talk about relationships/love/romance/etc.) And in hindsight, I wish I'd always listened to everything I just said above. But, ya know, maybe we all have to go through relationships with jerks so that when there's a spark with someone who's really special - it's even easier to see.

6 Comments:

At 10:27 PM, Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said...

Or he's man enough to go to bat for you on blog. Swoon, indeed.

I hate that book too, Sara, but I loathe the catchphrase it's become

 
At 11:20 PM, Blogger DCLastCall said...

Nice. You make a good arguement for those men who are hopeless romantics. Well said.

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger Linz said...

Sara i totally agree.... well said, amiga!

 
At 3:24 PM, Blogger Complacent Chase said...

Ditto eveyone else.
It is nice to be cherished by a guy who loves you enough to show it and to be secure enough to accept and know that you deserve it.

 
At 5:01 PM, Blogger VP of Dior said...

to qoute: "And please don't be reading this list and thinking to yourself that your guy is the kind of guy to do those things, he just hasn't done them yet. When someone is really into you, they'll be sweethearts all the time, it's not something they'll just grow into sometime in the future. I really think that girls' biggest mistakes are to fall for guys based on who they have the potential to be - not who they actually are"

you sound just like a chapter out of he's just not into you. in fact your whole post sounds just like the book. read a chapter and see what i mean!

 
At 2:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you live in an ideal world, I guarantee your partner would do all that. But in a real world where everyone tries to optimize all resources along with time constraints you will seldom find a person like that , unless of course you're into waiting till your death bed. Be real with yourself about making compromises in life. Don't lie to yourself or anyone

 

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